What Time Is It? Summertime.

Today is the day. I'll be packing up my belongings and heading to camp for the summer. Of course, I'll be attending a doctor's appointment before I go but today is the beginning of what I'm hoping is going to be an amazing summer.

It's funny to me that this job kind of just fell into my lap and the timing was absolutely perfect. I was searching for something to get me out of my slump and was certain that I didn't want to spend another summer at a boring job or stuck inside feeling sick; so I started looking around. I remembered a camp that my friend used to go to and looked up their summer positions. I was searching for something that I could do while still being able to manage my health problems. Crafts. Sounded perfect. Except I was late to apply and assummed the position was already filled. I applied anyway. And to my surprise, this camp really needed a crafts coordinator and I was ready. 

This is just one of the many ways God has come through for me over the past few months. I have been working hard at challenging myself to stop depending on myself, but to put my trust in God. Through prayer and devotions and constant reminders; I have truly been placing God in a place of authority and guidance in my life. I want to be obedient to His plans because I trust that His plans are better for me than anything I could plan myself. This summer at camp seems to be part of His plan for me and I'm sure that soon enough, I'll realize why.

Anyway, I've been spending the last few days packing and honestly, I have my worries about living at camp with my illness. But I'm going for it anyway. I'm trying to calm my worries and remind myself that this is going to great and I am going to be okay. It's funny the way that an illness like this can change your persepctive so drastically even for things you are excited about. I am really excited about camp but I'm also insanely nervous. Not about the new place, or people, or anything like that; just about me and my health. It's scary to be somewhere totally out of your comfort zone when you live with health problems. But again, I am trusting in God for this one and although I'm nervous, I'm also very excited to begin.

So I just wanted to write this last blog post before I head out for summer; and hopefully, I'll find some time to update you all on how camp life is going! I hope to be posting my camp adventures on instagram so if you want to see what I'm up to or how I'm doing; please check out my instagram! @coralkahler

Thanks to all of you who took the time to check this out. I hope you all have an amazing and blessed summer. ♥

Resurfacing

Today I realized that it has been weeks since I wrote and that there is something that is so not normal about that for me, but then I also realized that it's kind of super exciting at the same time. Why is it exciting that I've been forgetting to update my blog? Because I feel great.

I FEEL GREAT. Did I just say that?

I did.

Over the past year or so that I've been writing this blog I often found myself writing in the midst of a flare that left me in bed for days on end or after a tough day when I felt like I just needed to get it all out. The thing is, I haven't had one of those days in a while now. Don't get me wrong, I'm not healed. I still have symptoms that I deal with every day but I feel better than I used to. I feel happier. I feel more and more like my old self every day. Not even just my old self though; it's like the good parts of the old me are resurfacing and the good, stronger, wiser parts of the new me are here too and they are mingling and turning me into someone who is happy and excited about life. And I have missed that feeling so much more than I can describe.

Something that a lot of people who deal with chronic illness or pain live with is the feeling that their life and who they are as a person has been stolen away from them. We end up having to leave our jobs, spend less time doing the things that we love, spending more time resting and dealing with our health problems, cancelling plans and putting our lives on hold. All of this leaves you feeling so empty and so hopeless. It leaves very little to be excited about or hopeful about in the future. 

My last few years were spent dreading the future because I thought the future included feeling worse and worse for the rest of my life and never having an answer as to why I felt so horrible. I missed the person that I used to be. I missed going out with friends and actually enjoying it and having the energy to keep up with them. I missed having the patience and energy to spend time with my younger siblings and be there for them when they needed me. I missed laughing, feeling happy, being excited about something. I missed feeling useful and like my life had a purpose. I missed feeling hopeful. 

The last few weeks though have been full of new and exciting things. I have been getting out of the house more than I have in years, I have been pursuing new experiences and looking into my many, many options for the future, I have been laughing and smiling and feeling excited about life again. It's amazing to me to look at the way I felt a few months ago and compare that to how I feel now. I was stuck in a pit of depression. I felt alone, useless, hopeless and ready to end it all. I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. And now, everything is different. All I can see right now is light. I can see the good. The good in every day and the good to come in the future. 

God comes through, guys. He always come through.