Wednesday, April 29, 2015

A Crazy Little Thing Called PRE-OP

Pre-Op is always a strange time. There's appointments, medical history, blood tests and then theres actually the time you need to pass before the surgery. Which for me has included sleeping as much as possible, trying to eat, and lots of netflix. Greys Anatomy to be specific. In cases like this surgery can be a very exciting time because it gives us hope. So we anxiously await the day that we will be sliced into and fixed up inside because it's hopefully going to make us feel a heck of a lot better than we do now. We know that post-op isn't fun or enjoyable and that it will be painful and that yes, I'll probably puke a few times and will be super uncomfortable; but that pain is nothing, it's almost joyful compared to the pain that we went under to try to prevent. We spend all of this time looking forward to surgery, awaiting this thing that might finally bring us some relief. Then, when it's finally here, right around the corner -- I freak out a little. Maybe it's because I watch Greys Anatomy and I know how many things can go wrong in even the simplest of surgeries or maybe it's because I've spend so much time thinking about how great it's going to be that my brain wants to point out some negatives as well. Whatever the reason may be, the anxiety has gotten to me a little. Which means for the next 22 hours I will be trying to distract myself from all things surgery until I wake up tomorrow morning and head to the hospital. Which really is the most nerve racking part. 

So, I've decided to make a list of things I'm going to do today to prepare for surgery and to keep myself busy/distracted until then..

Here it goes..

- Do plenty of word searches and crosswords (seriously invest in a book, it's worth it)
- Eat to my fill until this evening when I am no longer allowed to eat
- Set up my post-surgery hang out spot filled with magazines, chargers, laptop, books, gatorade, etc.
- Pinterest (the best procrastinating and distracting tool we have!!!)
- Make another list of things I will do when I finally begin to feel better post-surgery and recovery!
- Take a nice relaxing bubble bath
- Wash all my bedding so it smells lovely and fresh while I prepare to sleep in it A LOT

So, if you have any post surgery tips or any entertainment for me, pass it along! I'd love to hear it!

Update coming as soon as possible!

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Hey Endometriosis, CAN YOU NOT

I thought I should stop in and write a little post. Sometime's when we feel the least like writing and thinking is when we need to be writing out our thoughts. And that is how I feel today. In the past four days, I've probably gotten a collective 10 hours of sleep or so. I have been in constant endometriosis pain since Sunday morning. Not only does this pain confine me to a couch, bed or seat of some kind near and electric outlet for my heating pad; it is utterly exhausting. I'm sitting here with my heating pad on high, my coffee cup empty, pajamas still on and bags under my eyes; thinking about how to convince my doctor to prescribe me some new pain meds this afternoon. You know when you get so frustrated and there's nothing you can do to fix the problem so you just end up making a joke about it to make yourself feel better? That's the point I'm at today. I really honestly do not want to go into detail about the past few days and the pain I've been feeling, but I do want those of you who also deal with this pain to know that we're all dealing with this together and there is hope! I know, that doesn't sound like much when you're in the middle of a flare and all you can think about is making the pain stop, but there IS hope for us to have a better, less painful life. 

Next week on Thursday, I will be undergoing my second laproscopic excision surgery. This one will be more invasive than the last, but I'm hoping and praying that it will resolve some of the symptoms I've been having for months now. The joy that I have felt when I think about being pain-free is indescribable.. I have felt pain in my body nearly every day since the age of twelve. I'm ready to feel human again. I'm ready to face this head-on. Ready for surgery. Ready for recovery. Ready for pain therapy. Ready to get back to living. And I am so ready to ditch Endometriosis. I know that my Endometriosis cannot be cured at this point. But I do believe, that there could be a cure out there and I have faith in the doctor's who are trying so hard to find it. Thank you to all my friends who have supported me through this last year; it means more to me than you could ever know. Thank you to those who are spreading awareness about Endometriosis, it is not a pain I would wish on anyone and I hope that we can one day find a cure and prevent it from ruining so many beautiful lives.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

I'm Bringing Sexy Back ... WUT

This may sound a little bit crazy but I am so excited to have surgery! Crazy? Maybe. There's a lot of negatives that come along with surgery like the groggy-foggy mess you wake up as, the needles and IVs, the getting sliced open, the painful healing process, etc. but that part has  hardly been on my mind lately. I read a really encouraging article about a woman who had been having bad pain caused by endometriosis for years and it was affecting her whole life. She felt that it stopped her from living the way she needed to live, especially as a young women. She had the surgery, and has been pain-free since! I know that it's not the same in every case. Although I also know that I'm hopeful. I've had a lot of time over the past few months to do some deep thinking and soul searching; and I've realized that I'm just not myself anymore and chronic pain will do that a person. The person that has been here in my place for the past year has been an exhausted, frustrated, moody, achey, emotionally closed-off mess. And I am so ready to rid myself of her because that's not the me that I know, that was the me that chronic illness made me and I'm going to try my hardest to not let that happen again. It is hard to feel like you're living when you have trouble making it up the stairs and it hurts just to stand up; it is easy to be discouraged in those moments. I'm learning to explore who I am again because I miss that person and I want her to come back. Even just in the hopefulness of the surgery helping my current state, she's starting to come back and I love having her here. Over the next month I'll continue to be hopeful about this surgery. I have faith that I will be able to live my life free of pain. It's happened before and I'm hoping it can happen again. So here's to who are we and not who chronic illness had made us! Oh and endometriosis, you can go straight to hell.