Tuesday, April 7, 2015

I'm Bringing Sexy Back ... WUT

This may sound a little bit crazy but I am so excited to have surgery! Crazy? Maybe. There's a lot of negatives that come along with surgery like the groggy-foggy mess you wake up as, the needles and IVs, the getting sliced open, the painful healing process, etc. but that part has  hardly been on my mind lately. I read a really encouraging article about a woman who had been having bad pain caused by endometriosis for years and it was affecting her whole life. She felt that it stopped her from living the way she needed to live, especially as a young women. She had the surgery, and has been pain-free since! I know that it's not the same in every case. Although I also know that I'm hopeful. I've had a lot of time over the past few months to do some deep thinking and soul searching; and I've realized that I'm just not myself anymore and chronic pain will do that a person. The person that has been here in my place for the past year has been an exhausted, frustrated, moody, achey, emotionally closed-off mess. And I am so ready to rid myself of her because that's not the me that I know, that was the me that chronic illness made me and I'm going to try my hardest to not let that happen again. It is hard to feel like you're living when you have trouble making it up the stairs and it hurts just to stand up; it is easy to be discouraged in those moments. I'm learning to explore who I am again because I miss that person and I want her to come back. Even just in the hopefulness of the surgery helping my current state, she's starting to come back and I love having her here. Over the next month I'll continue to be hopeful about this surgery. I have faith that I will be able to live my life free of pain. It's happened before and I'm hoping it can happen again. So here's to who are we and not who chronic illness had made us! Oh and endometriosis, you can go straight to hell. 

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