Today I'm sitting back and enjoying the things that the good Lord has blessed me with.
(There are a lot of things by the way)
Something I like to do in the fall is to focus on having a grateful heart and expressing gratitude. Whether that be to God for all that he has done for us or to friends and family for all that they do and all that they are. With Thanksgiving coming up it always pops into my head that we have so much to be thankful for in every season of life, and it's silly that we only think to express that thankfulness one day of each year.
So today I'm feeling thankful for a lot of things but here's a few that are standing out to me:
- good coffee
- the opportunity to serve in my community
- the amazing summer I had
- God's love
- supportive friends
- my cozy bed
- my new job (!!!)
Segue into... my new job!
This morning, I had an interview and got hired on the spot. Heeeeyyo, thank the Lord. As many of you know, I spent the last year focusing on figuring out my health problems and I ended up quitting my job in September of 2015. So it's officially been one year since I quit my old job and took a solid year to figure out my health. Which ended up bringing me some real answers about my illness and some serious mental and spiritual healing. So many blessings.
Anyway, something that I struggled with in my time off work last year was feeling that my life was really empty. Spiritually, I was in a really rough place and felt really hopeless and lost my faith in God's plan for me. I also was mentally in a really dark place and was struggling with severe depression. And physically, I was obviously in a lot of pain and dealing with a lot which was why I had quit my job in the first place. I felt hopeless, lost, inadequate, unable, undependable, useless and completely and utterly alone. Not a good way to feel. Nevertheless, God came through. And I know that I've said that a lot lately. I say that phrase when I write about my transformation over the past year, I say it when I speak my testimony, I say it when I experience little miracles and moments of faith. But it's the best way I know how to say it plain and simple; GOD CAME THROUGH. He always will. You can trust in that.
What I'm getting at is that even though my physical suffering is still existent, the healing I experienced emotionally, mentally and spiritually has positioned me on a whole new playing field. I no longer feel hopeless, lost, inadequate, unable, undependable, useless or alone. I feel hopeful, found, capable, able, dependable, useful and loved. And this, my friends, makes all the difference. After spending a year feeling that my life was so empty; turning to God and letting him heal me and speak his truth into my heart filled me up more than any thing on this earth could ever fill me. I know that only God can satisfy the heart; because he made it. He designed it. He's got the key to unlock your fears, your insecurities, your doubts, your lack of faith. He's got you. You just need to let Him in.
And I say that so nonchalantly even though I fully recognize how hard it is sometimes to just let God in. It invovles the ultimate act of vulnerability, giving up your own desires, trusting completely in something that you cannot see and laying out all your broken pieces on the table in hopes that God will take your brokenness and make it beautiful.
And He will.
A year ago, I had no idea what my life woud look like now. If I'm being honest, I wasn't even sure I would still be alive. I figured my life was over as I knew it and wondered what the point was in trying to improve upon a hopeless situation. And now.. God is doing really big things in me. God has transformed my heart. God has given me opportunities that I never thought that I would have. God has blessed me with people to love and to care for and to enjoy life with. God has provided me with exactly what I need. God has given me a job that is literally the most perfect fit for me at this stage in my life and most importantly, God has shown me that even in my sickness and in my suffering I can still have a life.
One year ago I was basically bed-ridden and barely left the house and today I'm full of hope, full of faith, I'm laughing again, I'm volunteering, I'm working, I'm serving the Lord and I'm full of joy.
God comes through.