this summer was #blessed

How do you debrief a summer that was full of new friendships and new experiences, amazing memories, life-changing God-moments and sweet ministry? No idea. 

But I'll try.

This summer was #blessed .

But in all seriousness, God did really cool things in my life this summer and provided me with so many opportunities. My faith was strengthened a lot and I learned to continually depend on God and lean into Him for my strength; especially on the days when I was so tired that my eyes burned just from having them open for so long and my feet ached from standing and my brain was so foggy that I could hardly manage a simple conversation. God provided me with the strength I needed. He lead me and brought peace to my soul in every situation and challenge I faced. 

If you're reading my blog, you're likely wondering about how my health was this summer because that's usually the main topic of this blog. The non-sugar-coated, brutally honest truth about living with a chronic illness. I would say that overall, I felt quite a bit better than I have in a long time. Probably because I was a lot more active which I realize now was super exhausting while I was doing it but was really beneficial for my muscles and joints. They ached a lot less at the end of the day or at random times during the day when I stayed active. I also continued my gluten-free, dairy-free, corn-free, peanut-free, pistachio-free, plum-free diet (with the exception of a few cheat days so I could indulge in all things cheesey like poutine and nachos). In the process of this diet that I started back in April to manage my Lyme Disease symptoms; I have actually lost 25 pounds! And my digestion has improved drastically and I have a lot less symptoms when it comes to stomach pain. So praise God on that one!

There were a lot things to celebrate about my health this summer and a lot of little victories that I am thankful for. That's not to say though that there wasn't struggles; because there definitely was. As someone with a chronic illness, even if we are feeling overall "pretty good", that mostly just means that we are feeling like we aren't in constant-unrelenting-pain. There were a few days in particular this summer where I barely got out of bed and I did make a few hospital trips (three, I think). I came down with a bad stomach flu once, had two really bad Lyme flare-ups and ended up in the hospital because of an ovarian cyst that is still giving me a lot of problems right now. Thankfully, my bosses and friends at camp were extremely understanding and supportive when it came to my illness so shout out and thank you's to everyone at camp who helped me out this summer by getting me things I needed, finding me bath tubs to soak in, driving me to the hospital, preparing my special dietary restriction food and for all the prayers that were said for me and my health. I wouldn't have had such an amazing summer without all of you (You know who you are ;)).

*****

And now, I am back home, settled in. I've been purging through my bedroom bit by bit and I am hoping to put together some care packages to donate to local families or people in need. If anyone is interested in helping me out with this, please let me know! You can email me at coralkahler@gmail.com or message me on facebook if you know me personally. Also, if you know of a specific family or individual that is in need I would love to talk to you about finding what they need to help them out.

Thanks for taking the time to catch up on my summer! Looking forward to hearing about all of your summers. Sending prayers and love your way. 

♥

What Time Is It? Summertime.

Today is the day. I'll be packing up my belongings and heading to camp for the summer. Of course, I'll be attending a doctor's appointment before I go but today is the beginning of what I'm hoping is going to be an amazing summer.

It's funny to me that this job kind of just fell into my lap and the timing was absolutely perfect. I was searching for something to get me out of my slump and was certain that I didn't want to spend another summer at a boring job or stuck inside feeling sick; so I started looking around. I remembered a camp that my friend used to go to and looked up their summer positions. I was searching for something that I could do while still being able to manage my health problems. Crafts. Sounded perfect. Except I was late to apply and assummed the position was already filled. I applied anyway. And to my surprise, this camp really needed a crafts coordinator and I was ready. 

This is just one of the many ways God has come through for me over the past few months. I have been working hard at challenging myself to stop depending on myself, but to put my trust in God. Through prayer and devotions and constant reminders; I have truly been placing God in a place of authority and guidance in my life. I want to be obedient to His plans because I trust that His plans are better for me than anything I could plan myself. This summer at camp seems to be part of His plan for me and I'm sure that soon enough, I'll realize why.

Anyway, I've been spending the last few days packing and honestly, I have my worries about living at camp with my illness. But I'm going for it anyway. I'm trying to calm my worries and remind myself that this is going to great and I am going to be okay. It's funny the way that an illness like this can change your persepctive so drastically even for things you are excited about. I am really excited about camp but I'm also insanely nervous. Not about the new place, or people, or anything like that; just about me and my health. It's scary to be somewhere totally out of your comfort zone when you live with health problems. But again, I am trusting in God for this one and although I'm nervous, I'm also very excited to begin.

So I just wanted to write this last blog post before I head out for summer; and hopefully, I'll find some time to update you all on how camp life is going! I hope to be posting my camp adventures on instagram so if you want to see what I'm up to or how I'm doing; please check out my instagram! @coralkahler

Thanks to all of you who took the time to check this out. I hope you all have an amazing and blessed summer. ♥

Resurfacing

Today I realized that it has been weeks since I wrote and that there is something that is so not normal about that for me, but then I also realized that it's kind of super exciting at the same time. Why is it exciting that I've been forgetting to update my blog? Because I feel great.

I FEEL GREAT. Did I just say that?

I did.

Over the past year or so that I've been writing this blog I often found myself writing in the midst of a flare that left me in bed for days on end or after a tough day when I felt like I just needed to get it all out. The thing is, I haven't had one of those days in a while now. Don't get me wrong, I'm not healed. I still have symptoms that I deal with every day but I feel better than I used to. I feel happier. I feel more and more like my old self every day. Not even just my old self though; it's like the good parts of the old me are resurfacing and the good, stronger, wiser parts of the new me are here too and they are mingling and turning me into someone who is happy and excited about life. And I have missed that feeling so much more than I can describe.

Something that a lot of people who deal with chronic illness or pain live with is the feeling that their life and who they are as a person has been stolen away from them. We end up having to leave our jobs, spend less time doing the things that we love, spending more time resting and dealing with our health problems, cancelling plans and putting our lives on hold. All of this leaves you feeling so empty and so hopeless. It leaves very little to be excited about or hopeful about in the future. 

My last few years were spent dreading the future because I thought the future included feeling worse and worse for the rest of my life and never having an answer as to why I felt so horrible. I missed the person that I used to be. I missed going out with friends and actually enjoying it and having the energy to keep up with them. I missed having the patience and energy to spend time with my younger siblings and be there for them when they needed me. I missed laughing, feeling happy, being excited about something. I missed feeling useful and like my life had a purpose. I missed feeling hopeful. 

The last few weeks though have been full of new and exciting things. I have been getting out of the house more than I have in years, I have been pursuing new experiences and looking into my many, many options for the future, I have been laughing and smiling and feeling excited about life again. It's amazing to me to look at the way I felt a few months ago and compare that to how I feel now. I was stuck in a pit of depression. I felt alone, useless, hopeless and ready to end it all. I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. And now, everything is different. All I can see right now is light. I can see the good. The good in every day and the good to come in the future. 

God comes through, guys. He always come through.

A Change Gonna Come

First of all, I want to make a little anouncement..

Because of some recent changes and answers (finally!!!) things are going to be changing a little on my blog. I'm going to be expanding! I haven't got the details all sorted out yet but I'm hoping to open a few new pages with recipes, treatment plans, etc. And I'm really excited to be able to continue to share my journey with you all and maybe give you some useful tips to help on your journey as well.

As some of you may already know if you're a facebook friend of mine, I was diagnosed with Lyme Disease a few days ago. It has been overwhelming and a huge relief at the same time to finally have an answer as to why I've been so sick for the past few years. Honestly, I don't have a ton of new information yet as to what I'll be doing for treatment because I've got a few weeks until my appointment to sort that all out but there are some changes that I'm currently working on. Those changes include cutting out all dairy, gluten and a few other things from my diet. Which is a huge adjustment for me. I could literally sit and eat cheese and bread all day long so it hasn't been easy so far.


Anyway, I just wanted to inform you all that I finally have an answer and I'm looking forward to getting treatment and hopefully healing. Although this has been an overwhelming and emotional time for me, I actually feel very joyful and blessed. God has provided me with so many wonderful people that have supported me and shown their love and I have been soaking it all in and praising God through this time. I'm feeling very positive and excited to make these changes and get on the path to healing and wellness.


♥

Unashamed

I stand here unashamed.

                                                                                                                

I spent last weekend at a woman's retreat and I came out of it thanking God for many different things. Going into this weekend, I must admit, I was not at all excited. I was anxious and tense. But it was one of things that I knew was good for me, I knew I needed it but did I want it? Not even a little bit.

But now, I am so glad and so thankful that I decided to stick it out and participate in this woman's retreat. Now, for those of you who don't know really what a woman's retreat is, in this case the retreat was a bunch of Christian woman from a couple different churches and a passionate speaker from down south who had come to share her thoughts with us. It does kind of sound intimidating when you think of opening up and being vulnerable with a bunch of people you don't know and taking serious look at yourself and realizing the things that you maybe need to work on and change.

The theme of our of sessions was 'Free and Unashamed'. Honestly, I ended up getting a lot more out of it than I had expected to. I came to realize that there were actually multiple things in my life that I have come to feel ashamed of. Everything from the way other's might see me, mistakes I've made in my past and biggest of all my chronic illness and how it affects my life. The last of all being what I'm going to focus on in the post. 

I've tried very hard to be open and honest when it comes to talking about my illness and my health problems. I see no point in hiding it or keeping it to myself when it it such a huge part of my life. Writing my blog definitely helps me to feel a little more empowered when it comes to living the life of a chronically ill person. Turning to God absolutely helps even though, if you've read this blog over the past year, you'll know that I've been through some very dark times of depression and doubting God. Even through all of this I ended up realizing that I don't feel free and I don't feel unashamed. I used to think it was my illness that made me feel like I couldn't be free. I used to think it was my illness that made me feel ashamed. I can see now that it isn't my illness that makes me feel like I need to hide who I really am, it's the way I view my illness and the impact that has on my life.

I doubt I'm the only person living with a chronic illness who feels this way, but I have a tendancy to feel extremely inadaquate. I doubt my abilities, I doubt myself and I don't have a lot of confidence when it comes to accomplishing my goals. The main reason I struggle with this is because I constantly compare myself to others. I compare myself to all the other people that are the same age as me. I constantly feel like I am not doing enough, accomplishing enough, being enough, giving enough.. I never feel as though I am enough just the way that I am. I feel this way because I expect my life to look like the lives of everyone else. My expectations of myself are so high and I often feel like if I don't meet those expectations that I am not only letting down myself, but also my parents, my family and God. 

Even though I have days where I can't make it off the couch and I have weeks where I don't even leave the house because my fatigue and my pain are so intense; I still feel ashamed that I have not accomplished all of the things that I have expected myself to  accomplish. 

Just for kicks, let me make a little list of the things that I expect of myself in an ideal world:

- Good health

- Fit body

-Healthy diet

- Avid reader

- Daily time spent in prayer

- College Degree

- Full time job

- Future plans

- Serious Relationship

- Good friendships

And those are just the big things. Not even the little things that we expect of ourselves each and every day, like: getting out of bed, brushing our teeth, getting ourselves ready, showering, preparing and eating healthy meals, housework, laundry, work, spending time with friends, exercising, etc.

I have finally come to realize how insane it is to expect all of this from myself. Especially considering the current state of my health. I have finally been able to see that I do not have to be ashamed. I no longer need to hide who I've been in the past, the mistakes I've made, the struggles I've faced and the person that I am now.

Something that really stood out to me over the weekend was a quote that went something like this, "untangle your need for approval from other's with the challenge to live for an audience of one." That audience of one, being God. If you're a Christian, your job in life is to please God, to love God, to bring glory to him, to share him with others and spread his love. You do not need to change who you are because God made you just the way he wants you. God created you and called you wonderfully made and beautiful. God loves you and he's got huge plans for your life. God has you in the palm of his hand and if you let him, He will use you to further his kingdom and to save the lives of those around you. When we learn to live in a way that is pleasing to God and not focus on pleasing those around us, we will see how easy it is to live free and unashamed. Because, God forgives even our worst sins and our biggest mistakes. God has forgotten. God doesn't need or want us to keep recalling the mistakes of our past. God does not want us to be ashamed of what we have gone through. God wants us to SHARE OUR STORIES. God wants us to use what we have gone through to save others and to bring others to Him. 

All of us have the power to share our stories and maybe in the process, change someones life. 

"Other people are going to find healing in your wounds. Your

 greatest life messages and your most effective ministry will 

come out of your deepest hurts." - Rick Warren

A Waiting Game

I've been struggling with deciding whether or not to write a post about my first lyme disease specialist appointment. Mainly because things still are not confirmed. Although I already feel as if things have changed. Where we're at now is that we are officially waiting on my results from the igenex testing to search for the bacteria called Borrelia Burgdorferi; which causes Lyme Disease. The process of testing my blood over in the states will take a few weeks so within the next 3-4 weeks I will know for sure whether I have Lyme or not. 


After meeting with the specialist I had my first experience of actually feeling like my illness and my pain was valid and real. I've always known that I experience pain and illness but it so often is dismissed when a bloodtest comes back showing nothing out of the ordinary or your doctor can't seem to find anything "wrong" with you. I finally was able to tell my story and actually feel like I was heard and understood. After our assessment this specialist informed me that she does believe I am suffering from Chronic Lyme Disease. We of course need to wait on the results to be sure but she believes that is what has caused my issues over the past few years. Either way though, positive or negative results, she is confident that she can help me to better manage my symptoms and pain. Which is one of the most comforting things to hear for someone in my position. 


I've already started three new natural supplements to help with my symptoms. A digestive enzyme, a probiotic and a natural anti-inflammatory. A test is also being run to see if any food sensitivities or allergies can be found in my blood. I think the stress of all the appointments I've had lately and the waiting for results and the over-thinking has caused me to flare up because it's taken all I have the last couple of days to roll out of bed and hobble around the house. 


Over the next few weeks I would really appeciate some prayer as I wait for my results. Thank you all for being so supportive of me throughout this journey. I love you all!


e9de168939d3ca074692b2ff8ef02d1a14961528be240341ee

What's New? I'll Tell Ya

I'm sitting here sipping my tea while half asleep unsure of what exactly I want to focus on in this post. Mind you, it's 3:13 pm so I shouldn't be half asleep and I don't usually drink tea anymore but I'm cutting back on coffee and I need some form of caffeine right now. I might as well start by giving a bit of an update on the last post I wrote which addressed a job offer and my pending decision. 

Alright, so..

I've accepted the job and I'll be heading off for the months of July and August on a fun little adventure because of it. Which I am really looking forward to.

In other news..

My doctor perscribed me a sedative to help regulate sleep pattern again because my insomnia was getting out of hand. The first few nights were amazing and I had never felt so rested in my entire life. The last few days have been quite the opposite. I'm sleeping and that's the good part of it but I'm waking up much earlier than I am used to (which is kind of the point) but it has its consequences. I'm getting a major caffeine lag late in the day and it's making me super tired like I am now and causing me to get a headache every afternoon. But I'm pushing through!


Also, I had an appointment last week with my gastroenteroloigst (a physician who specializes in diseases of the digestive system, also called the gastrointestinal tract) who informed me that he'd like me to have yet another colonoscopy. I've decided against it for now because I'm trying some other new things that I hope will improve my well-being and colonoscopy prep is one of the least enjoyable things to do ever. Trust me. He also mentioned the idea of trying a low FODMAP diet which sounds insanely hard and not at all like something I'd like to do although it would probably help a lot. Which, as far as I can tell would mean that I would have to cut out almost all gluten, dairy and sugars and some other random things. So, I'm not feelin' it.


The last bit of news I have at this moment in time is that I FINALLY have my appointment with a naturopath who specializes in Lyme disease tomorrow. My appointment was supposed to be last week but ended up getting cancelled because of a personal emergency. So I've been anxiously awaiting this day for a while now and am really happy that we're finally going to start the process of testing for Lyme disease. So my dad and I will be heading to Burlington tomorrow for the appointment and to head to the lab so they can take many, many viles of my blood. 


As for physically how things have been going for me lately, things seemed to be going really well for the last few weeks and now they are kind of plummeting again unfortunately. I tend to think that it's from a combinatilon of switching up my sleep routine, the weird weather changes we're having here in Ontario and also the fact that whenever I feel good physically, I over do it and end up crashing later on. So I've been pretty go-go-go the last few weeks having outings with friends, running errands, going to appointments, getting taxes done, babysitting, visiting family, planning for my new job, looking into new opportunities and a million other things and now I'm crashing. I decided to give myself the day to recharge a little but it seems to only be making me more tired. But I guess that means its a really good time to head to the naturopath tomorrow! Some of the symptoms that I've had lately that are the most prominent are a headache that lasts 3+ hours each afternoon, fatigue, hand tremors, extremely dry and sore skin on my upper arms and sudden sharp pains throughout my body. The last of which is definitely the worst. 


ANYWAY, I'm sure that after tomorrow I'll have many more things that I'd like to fill you all in on but for now, I'm going to finish drinking my tea and rest up because I've got a busy few days ahead of me.