Thursday, October 1, 2015

I'm Feelin' 22

As I logged in today to write a spontaneous blog-post, I realized that 170 people had read my blog the other day when I shared a link on facebook. My soul smiles to know that so many people have heard some of what I have to say. I hope that it helps people to change their perception of the chronically ill. I also have had the pleasure of reconnecting with some people from my past. It's funny how something like a blog post and that honesty can reignite a connection and new understanding between two people. I am thankful for that. And that is why I write this blog. It changes me, it uplifts me, it helps me, it helps others to understand a little bit better and it allows me to be honest and real about my issues.

Today, is a happy day. Today is my 22nd birthday. And yes, I will blasting the song "22" by Taylor Swift later on. After I've got a couple cups of coffee in me. This morning didn't pan out at pleasantly as I had hoped it would. I've had a rough time with insomnia over the past two months and I've been taking a sleeping aid before bed so I can actually sleep. Although, last night I took the sleep aid, then ended laying in bed, groggy and tired, with pains in my stomach. Likely, because I recently changed most of medications and now my body is adjusting to them. Which often times, causes a lot of digestive mishaps and bumps in the road. So, that sucked. And when I woke up, it wasn't much better. I ended up going right back to bed with my heating pad. But I'm up now! And reading birthday messages and drinking coffee, as I should be.

I had a really interesting conversation with a friend yesterday; I ended up encouraging her through a lot of my personal experience. When it comes to feeling like you're not doing enough in your life, you feel guilty. I've mentioned this before. This doesn't just go for sick folks, it goes for people in a lot of different situations. My friend, is amazing and talented and hard-working and she felt so upset and guilty that things weren't working out for her on the job-front. I'm sure we all get how frustrating that can be! It's scary not to have a job in this day and age. I listened to her and let her rant, because I'm a big believer in ranting to get our your anger/frustration before you find a little peace. I wasn't sure if I should say anything or not, but I realized that the things that I've been dealing with and that I've been through already could possibly help her. 

I can't even remember what I said to her exactly, but I know I talked about how sometimes we go through these stages of life when things are supposed to be up in the air. And you're going to be scared and it's hard to find peace in that, and that's okay. Sometimes we learn the biggest and most important lessons when we are in those scary and unstable stages of life. It stresses and scares us but often ends up stretching us in a good way so that we learn things we never would have known before. It teaches us to slow down and appreciate the things we already have. I know personally, it has shown me how much I have in life to be happy about and that those things are way more important than a job or a steady income. We tend to underrate happiness. It doesn't even have to be happiness really; just contentment. I have learned that being content in your life can be just as, if not more peaceful than being happy. I've learned to be content whatever the circumstances may be. Not to say that I don't go through times where I'm unhappy and depressed; because I do. But I let myself feel those things and I deal with them the best I can. Then, I move back to contentment. Because in this life, you get to choose what matters to you. To me, the most important things aren't having a job and having a steady income, or even school at this point. I know a lot of people that have a certain idea of success would frown upon that statement and that's okay. My idea of success is dependent upon my own reality. I'm sure, as my circumstances change, so will my idea of success. It has changed many times before but I'm learning to adapt and live within my circumstances and be content with it. 

So today, on my 22nd birthday. Even though I feel like crap at the moment, I'm going to smile and thank God that I have so many wonderful people in my life. I have some of the most encouraging and supportive friends around. I am so thankful for the people in my life. Especially today.

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