Normally when I get bad news relating to my health, I handle it pretty well. I nod along, maybe ask a few questions and research the new situation. Today, I didn't handle things as well I normally would.
If you keep up with my blog, you'll know that I had surgery just over a month ago and have been having some pain since then. Last Friday I had an ultrasound to see if there was anything concerning to see around my abdomen. It turns out I have multiple cysts and one very large cyst on my left ovary. Which explains the pain I've been experiencing in the last few weeks. The strange part is that just a month ago, there were no cysts at all on my left ovary and now there are many. Which means they have grown very quickly, and there is a chance that these cysts may not be just cysts, but they could also be relating to Endosalpingiosis.
So, back to the part where I didn't handle things so well.. I was informed by my doctor that there is a large possibility that I will need to have surgery again very soon if my pain gets worse or doesn't go away.
That's when I snapped.
Honestly, right away I didn't realize how significant this was until I explained it all to my mom. At that point, I realized that I'm probably going to have surgery again soon. Which means, more time off work and more time in recovery. Hearing this normally wouldn't be too horrible, but as someone who just recovered from surgery after enduring a solid seven months of chronic pain; IT WAS HORRIBLE TO HEAR. Realizing that I may in fact experience more and more pain in the coming days and that it likely won't get better until after another surgery.
I ended up having a huge breakdown which is unusual for me. So I cried a lot and curled myself into a ball around my body pillow and cried some more. I treated myself to a coffee with cinnabon creamer to make myself feelslightly less depressed. And now, I'm here, writing a blog post; trying to get my feelings out of my head and into the atmosphere.
I had truly and honestly believed and hoped that I would make a quick recovery after surgery and get back to living life the way I used to. That has not been the case and accepting that is going to be a long and frustrating process. And that's about all I have to say on the topic at the moment.