Today

Well, today is the the today. Although today feels big, I guess it isn't really. In reality, I will get no answers today. But at least I will be one step closer to possibly having an answer, or at least ruling out a few things. 


Today is the day I have my first MRI of the brain and cervical spine. If you keep up with my blog, you'll already know that I've been having symptoms that are striking my doctor as neurological. We've run every test we can think of the find another diagnois. I've had a laproscopy, colonoscopy, endoscopy, countless bloodtests to rule out other autoimmune conditions or celiac disease. Everything seems to come up negative. So far we've established Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Endosalpingiosis. Neither of which would cause the type of symptoms I am now experiencing. SO off to the MRI I go. In hopes of an answer.


I think I'm having a lot of mixed feelings about today. Many people hear that I'm having an MRI done and say "I hope they don't find anything to worry about." or "I hope you don't have MS." or something to that effect. But the thing is, it's not that I hope I have a brain condition; because obviously it's horrible and awful and painful and a lifelong challenge. But, I have been in pain since I was twelve. I've gone through phases where things weren't as bad. But I've also gone through flares where things are really bad. This past year has been bad, really bad, and then worse. And I've been left in the dark without an answer. Having this MRI is kind of my last hope that maybe we'll finally see what the problem is. But maybe we won't. And that scares me even more.


Either way, the result of this MRI is going to be a huge source of stress and emotion in my life. If I get a diagnosis; there's a whole world of issues to deal with: things to learn, new medications, treatment plans, etc. If everything seems normal: I'll be sent back to living my life in pain without an answer as to why. Which is what I've already been doing, but even more hopeless. 


I guess, over the next few days, I'll hope and pray that whatever happens, I'll be okay. I'll move forward and get stronger and feel better and be happier. Because that would be nice.