For a while now I've realized that a lot of my blog posts can be a little.. harsh. Of course, if you've stuck with me from the beginning you've heard my mantra about not sugar coating things and being completely honest. Honesty is something I really appreciate and think is a super important quality to have. I have opened up a bit in the past about my struggle with depression. About a month ago, I took a big step and decided to start an anti-depressant medication. There tend to be a lot of stereotypes about anti-depressants and I've heard a lot of horror stories about them as well. This wasn't a decision I made lightly. After talking it through with my councellor and my doctor and considering it for months, I decided that this was a step that I was ready to take. It's been a month now and I can honestly say that I feel true happiness for the first time in years. I definitely credit the anti-depressants for part of this transformation but I also have to give credit to God and to myself for this change. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't want people thinking that I started an anti-depressant medication and now suddenly I am a happy and joyful person who is full of smiles and rainbows. It has been a challenge but it has been really rewarding.
I don't want to get into it too much because starting an anti-depressant is a very personal decision, but part of the reason I decided to start is because I found myself trapped in depression and weighed down by a lack of motivation. I felt so trapped by this because there are a lot of things I'd like to do in my life. I have a mile-long bucket list. Feeling a lack of motivation to that extent was just so hopeless. Anyway though, I knew I needed to make a change. The first part of this change was the medication and the second part was me fully realizing that in order for my life to change, I needed to make a change. I needed to change. I knew that suddenly making a huge change wouldn't work and I wouldn't be consistent with it. I started changing small things each day. I figured, if I'm home and not working, I have all the time in the world. It always seems like I don't have time to do the things I want to do but that's been because I haven't made the effort to do them. So, I began with little things like flossing my teeth every day after I brushed them. Washing my face morning and night no matter how tired I was. Doing little things that made a positive change. One of the biggest things that I have found helpful during this time has been setting aside time to be without my laptop or cell phone or tv. I've developed a habit of going to my room each day, lighting a nice smelling candle, putting on some music and just doing whatever I feel like doing. Sometimes I colour in an adult colouring book, sometimes I journal, sometimes I pray, sometimes I read, sometimes I just lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling, sometimes I tidy.. I do whatever in that moment I feel will make me happy or just more content.
I've realized that no matter how often our lives feel unorganized, messy and up in the air, we can still find happiness. Happiness is not always about the big things. Happiness doesn't have to mean you have your dream job, your dream man, your dream house, your dream body and your dream group of friends. Happiness doesn't mean you've met all of your goals and are at the peak of success. Happiness doesn't mean life is perfect.
As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I know that a lot of my blog posts can be sort of depressing and dark and sad. I don't want that to always be the case. I think a big part of that was the depression talking but I'm working on making changes so I'm going to try to incorporate that into my blog as well. So, below, I'm going to list some really random things that make me happy. Some of these will be activities, some of them are just beautiful things, some of them are totally random. But they are happy and happy is good.
- Freshly washed bedding
- The first sip of coffee in the morning
- Long walks on a nice day
- A playlist of your favourite songs
- A clean room
- A scented candle
- Photos of loved ones and happy moments
- A fresshly washed face
- Yummy smelling body wash
- Helping someone
- Hugging someone
- Dancing in your underwear (Seriously)
- Hanging up your favourite quotes or verses around your room
- Opening a window and letting in the fresh air
- Creating something (a craft, a meal, art)
- Perfecting a recipe
Feel free to comment or leave a list of the little things that make you smile!