Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Feelin' Some Type Of Way

"Never apologize for being sensitive or emotional. It's a sign you have a big heart, and that you aren't afraid to let others see it. Showing your emotions is a sign of strength." 
- Brigitte Nicole

One thing that really frustrates me about our world is the belief that in order to be 'strong' or 'independent' you must be emotionally-distant and mysterious. I have been through periods in my life when I was emotionally wide-open and extremely naive. A lot of young girls believe that everyone comes with the best intentions and that every boy they meet, could be the right boy and that every friend they make will be loyal and will be the greatest friend ever for the rest of their life. In a way, I miss being that hopeful. I haven't lost that completely though. I understand that there are still wonderful people in life and that you never know who someone is and what purpose they are going to have in your life until you let them in. I went from being the open, trusting young girl to becoming a closed-off, walls-up, over-protectively-guarding-my-heart kind of young women. Both of these situations caused me a lot of grief and a lot of heartache.

I grew up hearing the phrase, 'guard your heart'. It was never something I really took seriously or understood until later in life. Even when I thought I began to understand what it meant, I may have taken it a little too seriously. When you continually get hurt by people that you trust, it makes you hold your emotions closer and put those walls up and begin to guard your heart. Over the last year, I have come to realize that guarding your heart too protectively can cause more harm than good. It causes you to feel like no one is every going to understand the way you feel, it makes you feel like you will be judged for your emotions and the things you are sensitive about.

I'm sick of feeling like if I say what I am feeling, I will be judged. Being able to express how you feel is important and it's also important to share that with the people you love and the people close to you. I am making a goal to begin to share more of my feelings with those that are close to me, even when I maybe feel guilty, embarrassed or ashamed of how I feel because expressing yourself and being open and honest does not mean you are weak, it means that you are strong enough to take care of yourself. You are strong enough to know what you want and you realize that taking care of your mental health is just as important as taking care of your physical health.

"Being tender and open is beautiful. As a woman, I feel continually shhh'ed. Too sensitive. Too mushy. Too wishy-washy. Blah blah. Don't let someone steal your tenderness. Don't allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more valuable than allowing yourself to be truly affected by things. Whether its a song, a stranger, a mountain, a rain drop, a tea kettle, an article, a sentence, a footstep, feel it all -- look around you. All of this is for you. Take it and have gratitude. Give it and feel love." - Zooey Deschanel

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